Playing the social game

Ok, so apparently, elementary school (for parents) is a lot like Survivor; only if you don't play a good social game, it's not you who gets kicked off the island, it's your kid.

Eldest is in second grade this year. I haven't had a lot of time (work committments) the last two years to stalk, I mean help, his teachers. Or the PTA. So, aside from a few neighbors and friends from preschool, I haven't exactly been hooked in to the school's social network. Who cares, right? I've got friends, they've got friends, whatever.


Scene: mid-August, immediately after the class/teacher assignments are posted. Everyone in the neighborhood is discussing the results.

Neighbor A: We got Teacher B, but I knew we would; last year's teacher said my little Princess would do well with her. Well, that she'd do fine as long as she didn't get Teacher C, I've heard she's a nightmare! Good thing last year's teacher put in a good word for us!! Who did your Eldest get?
Me: Teacher C. (WTF is wrong with this teacher? I didn't know we had awful teachers, I've never heard the gossip.)

Neighbor B: Oh, I heard your Eldest got Teacher C. I'm so sorry! When Rosie had her two years ago, she would come home crying every day. Turns out she lets the class run wild until she's had enough, then screams at all of them.
Me: (stunned silence) Uh, thanks. (and you couldn't have told me this 6 months ago?!?)

Neighbor C: Do you know the PTA president? Oh, I thought you did, since she lives just a couple blocks from you. Anyway, she told me that, of the whole building, the teacher she most wants her kids to avoid is Teacher C.
Me: (Getting used to these stories by now but steamed nonetheless) Uh, thanks. (Again, you could have told me this 6 months ago!)

Neighbor D: Hey, I saw my Prince is in the same class as your Eldest. They're going to have so much fun together!
Me: (starting to see a pattern)Yeah, he seemed really happy about it, too. Hey, just out of curiosity, do you attend PTA meetings? Volunteer at the school, ever?
Neighbor D: No, I can't find the time with my job and all. Why?
Me: (suspicion confirmed!!) Oh, no reason...

So, yup, as far as I can tell, any parent too busy or tuned out or clueless to know ahead of time to request their child not have Teacher C, has their kid in Teacher C's class. In other words, the kids of parents who don't play the social game suffer the consequences of dealing with this teacher.

What's a devoted mom to do? Well, my workload is down this year. I actually have a few hours off during the school day here and there. Time to get linked up! Time to stalk, I mean help the teacher! Time to get to know the PTA moms!



Two months into the school year: It took a while for my eager offers of volunteer time to get accepted, but I'm finally helping the PTA moms once a week, and the teacher (I get to be in the classroom!) twice a month. Getting to know some of the friendlier people in the cast of characters. When I've helped, the class has been uniformly a bit noisy and wild; but we're talking a group of 24 second-graders, too. I'm not sure about this.

In the meantime, I've listened to complaints from Eldest that the classroom is noisy; only two occassions where the teacher punished the entire class; that everybody at his table talks too much and he can't get his work done; etc.

Then, I attend his teacher conference. He's off-task a lot, doesn't finish his work on time. Grades are fine. Not a behavior problem or a rule-breaker, but needs improvement in work habits regardless. I let the teacher know (nicely; I don't burn bridges unless I must!) that he's complained about how distracting the class is; she brushes it off.

I let it stew for a day. Then I come in for my volunteer time.

On my way out, I have a pleasant conversation with the principal. He's seen me around the last month or so, helping out (he's new: advantage, me: as far as he knows, I always hang out at the schol like this). He doesn't mind taking a few minutes to chat. I ask what he thinks of Teacher C. He feels that her class is no worse than others. I'm not sure I believe him. But my kid isn't struggling academically, his anxiety hasn't hit the roof, so... save Mama Bear for another day. I've let the principal know that I'm watching, and concerned. Perhaps even if he doesn't admit it to me, he'll keep an eye on the class; perhaps not. But, before I leave, he offers me, unasked, this proof of my whole hypothesis:

"I don't get into letting parents ask for specific teachers... but, come spring, let's sit down and have a talk about what kind of classroom environment you feel would be the best match for Eldest. We can certainly do our best to find the best fit we can for next year."


Yup, I have to play the social game. Oh, and put up with a less-than-ideal teacher for this year; which I can do, as long as niether Teacher nor Eldest gets any worse. She's not nearly as bad as the teacher nightmare this inventive mom had to get rid of. (Go there, read it; be insprired!)